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Key Lime Pie by Arthur Yeomans

 

Caleb is twenty-two, but he is pretending he is fifteen.  He is attending high school, despite having finished college.  He is pretending to be a nudist, although he actually likes wearing clothes.  He is living with two people who are pretending to be his parents.

But don’t worry, it is all for a good cause.  At least, Caleb thinks it is a good cause.  He enjoys making friends, and killing people; although it is a bummer when these two overlap.

Note: Key Lime Pie is unfinished, with no recent updates.  It contains some graphic sexual content and graphic violence.


A serialized novel, with no recent updates

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Listed: Oct 15, 2009

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A confusing shadow war/secret agent tale.

Member: capriox
December 19, 2009

Key Lime Pie has nothing to do with actual key lime pie, at least not in the 30 chapters that have been posted so far.  It’s about a young man who’s undercover as a high school student along with his "Mother", "Father", and sister "Lilly", who is actually his lover.  They work for an unnamed and thus far unexplained Company that seems to be in the business of administering vigilante justice.  Seth and the rest of his undercover family are busy spying on the town’s citizens, primarily through their teen-aged children, in order to uncover various crimes which are then tried and punished according to the Company’s laws.  From what I could gather, the Company is apparently quite fond of the death penalty, and is really obsessed with going after drug dealers and sexual crimes.  There’s also a shadowy opposition group which might be federal agents, although it really isn’t clear in the story.  The story is set in a near-future United States in which the federal government has lost a lot of its authority to resurgent state rights and anti-government activist groups. 

The part about this story that made me go "hey, that’s a good idea" is using the protagonist’s high school history class to explain the story’s background.  The only other really unusual part about this story is that Seth and his whole family are nudists.  Their reasoning is apparently that it’s something so odd, no one would suspect them for being secret agents because of it. 

I had a hard time buying that "nudism is a great cover!" (haha) thing, as well as a lot of the other assumptions woven into the background.  Present day/near future tales have to work extra hard at believability because they’re set in "our" world, and this one just didn’t work for me.  The writing itself also needs work to eliminate the misspellings, dropped words, duplicated bits of text, etc.  It looks like each chapter was posted without even a single read through by the author to catch errors.  In a given chapter, it might not be noticeable, but cumulatively it’s quite annoying.  The dialogue is also stilted, which stands out all the more when the protagonist talks about having to speak like a teenager to fit in, and then fails to use casual speech at all. 

The story is readable, but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone until the author has a chance to do some editing.

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