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ADVENTURES IN THE PIRATE CONTINENT

I’m going to go have a seizure now.

By Pyrocardiac, member

Mar 9, 2019: The only good thing to be said about Adventures in the Pirate Continent (not a continent full of pirates, silly, a continent that IS a pirate) is that it’s funny. Sometimes very, very funny, and it won’t waste much of your time.

This is not a serious review, for the record. Sean Arnold’s work doesn’t deserve or want anything to do with seriousness. If I dared to wax analytical here, a Viking would surely burst through the floorboards and beat me senseless with a puppy.

I stumbled on it when looking into the author’s other listed serial, Tomorrow Girl in Bismarck, whose first chapter hooked me because it reminded me of a drunker-than-usual Robert Benchley attempting to write superhero fan fiction. If you don’t know who Robert Benchley is, that was a high compliment. Also, please kick yourself in the face for your ignorance and go buy ten copies of The Benchley Roundup for yourself and any depressed people you know.

Tomorrow Girl didn’t live up to that first impression, and it ran out of steam after ten chapters, around the same time that Pirate Continent and the author’s third glorious train wreck Okay Melissa You’re Doing Fine did. It’s been reviewed more harshly on this site for apparently trying to be an actual story and not just a demented improv exercise.

Pirate Continent attempts no such thing, and you won’t be disappointed if you keep that in mind. Who needs a “story” when you have a lost continent in the middle of the Atlantic (or was it the Mediterranean?), cuddly sharks, halibut-wielding Vikings, an island called Set on Fire and Then Poisoned, an atomic bomb, presumably some kind of treasure, a homicidal Glenn Miller (no, not that Glenn Miller), and even an actual pirate?

Readers and reviewers have wondered how much of the inconsistently garbage-tier writing is intentional and how much is just the author not caring (since he’s proven elsewhere that he can compose fully-functioning English paragraphs when he wants to). Here’s the thing: it doesn’t really matter. It’ll make you laugh either way.

Not caring is the hallmark of all content in Mr. Arnold’s Camelot Magazine, a pocket dimension where editors are strangled on sight and the internet’s finest insane people come to leave stream-of-consciousness rants both hilarious and traditionally boring. Unless it isn’t. If you told me all the authors on the site were pseudonyms for the same mad genius, I would believe you. It does have at least three contributors calling themselves Sean Arnold, after all. What I’m trying to say is, if you need a break from gritty superheroes doing unpleasant things to each other and gritty fantasy people doing gritty magical things to each other and just want to snort at your screen for a bit, this special little abomination and the others I’ve mentioned are one way to do that.

Edit: Yeah, it’s almost certainly all by the same guy.

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