Is there some depth to that puddle?

August 19, 2008by Donna Sirianni

Is it just me or was I the only person that could hear Ben Stein narrating the story?  I think reading a Honey-Do list would have been more interesting and multi-dimensional.

Empty is an understatement when it comes to describing these characters.  Cardboard cutouts taped onto popsicle sticks might be a better description.  Aside from the fact that these personalities are as translucent as Az’s skin, the number of deux ex machina moments in the story to further the plot had me rolling my eyes after the first chapter.  No one’s life is filled with that many coincidences.  I’m still trying to figure out the purpose of the bland and rather pointless prologue.  It’s all information that’s reiterated over and over again in the actual story.  Really, was it all that necessary?

The descriptions of the characters themselves were incredibly awkward.  It’s a first person POV which poses a problem when wanting to wedge in what the MC looks like but having her prattle off traits simply for the sake of giving the reader a description is clunky at best.  There are better ways to introduce the MC’s looks, not to mention the looks of others since they all shared that same, awkward presentation of a laundry list of attributes just so we all know exactly what they look like.

And vampires or not, any parent is a downright moron for bestowing their 17 year old with a brand new BMW.  And why is everyone so rich?  Is that the norm in vampire worlds?  And why is Az driving a Porsche?  Is it to show he’s rich too or just to prove the author knows her high end vehicles?  Is a Bentley in the future?  I was turned off by all this blatant wealth at the first mention of the make and model of the Beamer.

I’m also trying to figure out the whole vampire situation.  I’m guessing this girl’s parents birthed her like any normal person so why is she not a vampire from the start?  Do basic genetics bypass vampires?  Did she hatch?  Definitely very confused in that aspect.

Boring would be a good way to describe this story.  The MC’s a superficial drone that is, of course, oh so beautiful, and the love interest is nothing more than a pretty face to look at with absolutely no redeeming qualities and questionable rapist tendencies.  This reads more like a girl’s vampire fantasy than an actual novel that serves only one purpose: to insert.  Who wouldn’t like the big brawny guy falling head over heels for her on the first day of school?  Who wouldn’t want to be in a vampire’s shoes?  But oh, there’s pain because they can’t be together because of her vampiric tendencies.  Angst abound.  And what’s with his "family"?  Are they another brood of vampires or just pretty people that walk around posing?

Like Sonja said, the writing isn’t unreadable.  It’s just incredibly dull and will incite bouts of "oh not another one" in others, no doubt.  This is the same story told in fanfiction dreams and does nothing but blend into the background, if it’s lucky.  With some heavy duty rewriting and tight editing, this story could be reworked into something that doesn’t so closely resemble yet another Twilight knockoff.  The author can write the bare bones of a story.  She has that.  She just needs to develop her writing skills and help herself to evolve out of the pit of bargain cliches.  Ten for a penny.

If you like stories where you don’t have to think, where the author doesn’t trust you as a reader to fill in the gaps where there should be some (but aren’t thanks to over-describing in the most telling of ways), where every piece of minutiae is laid out for you and don’t mind characters with absolutely no substance, this would be the story for you.  If you want to insert yourself into a standard, teenage vampire world, this is the story to read.  It’s definitely escapist fantasy but I’m sure a lot of people can think up far better plots than this to escape into.

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