overall 2 votes: rating onrating onrating halfrating offrating off
editor rating: rating onrating onrating halfrating offrating off

Beyond Pacifica by Liss Thomas

 

Delphina’s life dissolved the day her mother threw herself into the ocean, never to return. She finds meaning in life working for an elite group of scientists and time travelers, bringing back extinct species from the past.

In search of an extinct amphibian, Delphina’s journey back in time starts with a disastrous explosion that will destroy a fragile ecosystem and that sends her to the bottom of the ocean.

Saved from drowning by Kira, a mythical creature of the sea and her brother Kyran, who grudgingly agrees to help, the trio must work together to change the present, the past and get Del back to the future to stop it from happening again.


A serialized novel, updating weekly

Tags: · · · ·

Listed: Jun 25, 2013

Share:

  • Facebook
  • Delicious
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter

more . . .

Recommendations

No reader recommendations yet.

Member Shelves

No relevant member shelves.

Have Your Say!

Register or log in to rate, recommend, review, or bookmark this story.

Note: You can monitor reviews for this listing with its review feed.

Vote for it on topwebfiction.com . . .


Editorial Reviews

the_author() rating onrating onrating halfrating offrating off

Dr. Where?

By Fiona Gregory, editor

Oct 6, 2013: I liked the short opening chapter in which a woman dives off a cliff and becomes a mermaid. It was quite evocative and brought back memories of the movie Splash.

The second chapter makes a grevious error – a time traveller encounters gladiators and the Coliseum in ancient Greece instead of Rome. Ouch. One mistake doesn’t necessarily condemn a story (the Coliseum scene is only a short vignette, and after that the action switches to Central America) but it does mark it as amateurish, and a big error early on like this makes it hard to take the story seriously going forward.

Nevertheless, this story does have an imaginative plot, and some colourful images (both visual and descriptive) to commend it. I do like the concept, and the writing is fairly clean of typo’s and grammatical errors. Overall, I think I agree with BillyHiggins on this one, but I would recommend it for young teens who like stories about merpeople. So long as it doesn’t lead them astray in their history lessons!

5 of 5 members found this review helpful.
Help us improve!  Register or log in to rate this review.

continue with member reviews »

Most Helpful Member Reviews

the_author() rating onrating onrating halfrating offrating off

Time-Travelling PETA, Now with More Explosions!

By Billy Higgins Peery, author of A Bad Idea

Aug 30, 2013: On the forums, Liss Thomas said she thought her summary was bad. I’d actually say it was pretty great. I mean, talk about a concept! Time travel, saving extinct species, explosions: that’s cool stuff.

Unfortunately, I found the summary more appealing than what was inside. I’m pretty sure this serial is part of some exercise? Right before the first sentence of the story proper, there’s a link to a webpage called "Creative Copy Challenge #328," which lists ten random words that writers are supposed to use in a small block of text. These ten words appear in the first chapter of the serial, bolded. This continues through the first five chapters (as far as I read), leading to somewhat forced sentences.

For instance, in the second chapter we get the protagonist surrounded by gladiators in an arena. She narrates, "Gladiators as big as Sumos stalk toward me brandishing their maces and swords." What purpose does that metaphor serve—other than to use the word "Sumos" in a completely irrelevant setting? The second chapter suffered from this more than most, illustrated by the appearance of "An orchestra [that] plays along" as she fights the combatants in the Coliseum. I don’t think orchestras were usually found in Coliseums. And if this is some time-travel hijinks, maybe the orchestra deserved more than a single sentence? The fact that these forced words are bolded only adds to their distracting nature.

The whole serial was somewhat of a jumble, with the first chapter featuring a woman (Delphina’s mother, as described in the summary) throwing herself into the ocean; the second featuring Delphina fighting off gladiators; and the third showing Delphina briefly talking to her fellow "time bouncers" (the people who travel back in time to save extinct animals), only to switch scenes and talk to her father, whom she blames for her mother’s turning into a mermaid (No, I’m not entirely sure how she turned into a mermaid, either).

Each of these scenes is less than five hundred words, and it’s just too much in too short a time. To give a brief disclaimer, I write a serial featuring a ton of characters and really short chapters, so I’m actually in favor of this sort of storytelling. But I’m constantly struggling to make the whole thing work as a unit, and I didn’t sense that sense of cohesion here. The whole serial suffered as a result. In addition, I found the images slightly distracting. On the bright side, though there weren’t next/previous buttons, there was a nice table of contents at the bottom of every page to make for easy navigation.

All in all, I don’t mean to beat up on this serial too much. It’s ambitious, and that’s a good thing. I just think the writer needs some more practice before they can achieve their goals.

1 of 1 members found this review helpful.
Help us improve!  Register or log in to rate this review.

Your review

Register or log in to rate, recommend, review, or bookmark this story.