Aug 9, 2008: I honestly don’t know where to begin, especially since I could barely make it past the first paragraph of the prologue. However, like a good little reviewer, I struggled through the first five chapters before I finally stopped.
The fact that it was written in present tense bugged me (personal preference), but, as some probably know, I can look past that if it is done well.
This was not done well.
Words are regularly missing from their sentences. Words are constantly misspelled. Punctuation is a dim and distant idea that hovers in the background. Sentence fragments litter the entire narrative. The prose could use a lot of tightening. The passive tense is used too often to the point of clumsiness. The writing is repetitive.
When I review, I attempt to be fair. Even as I slogged my way through the first five chapters, I looked for something good. I hoped the plot would make up for the bad writing.
The story attempts to start off with a "bang" as the protagonist goes off to stop a bomb.
In her nightgown.
Because "Universal Defenders" don’t need equipment or shoes for terrorist bomb threats, apparently.
This bomb blows up and sends her to earth.
Still in her all revealing nightgown.
I saw where this was going, and cringed.
The situation is entirely unbelievable and the protagonist herself is even more so, who reads more as a Mary Sue than a real person. When she introduces herself as a "knight" and "warrior" she silences the room, presumably because she is "sooo weird." The author attempts to make her cool by describing her dialog as "blaise" or "flippant", and fails dismally.
Again, I’ve only read the first five chapters. Maybe it gets better further on. Perhaps the author manages to salvage the story and turn it into a true diamond.
However it is so poorly written I have zero desire to find out.
4 of 4 members found this review helpful.
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