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A little disjointed…

By Stormy, editor, author of Require: Cookie

Aug 21, 2008: (Review written after reading 18 chapters).

I won’t harp on the spelling and grammar mistakes – the other reviews have mentioned them already. The story could do with with an editor, or even a better self-edit by the author – both of which are perfectly achievable, so that’s all I’ll say on the matter.

A year would really help me to figure out the story – it’s obviously far into the future – so far so that it’s 100 years after a war that has apparently destroyed pretty much everything. Yet . . . pop-culture references are still thrown around (Guinevere I can understand – Arthurian mythos is timeless), but "Annie", the play? I’m not sure that’s going to stand the test of time and nuclear winter.

Plot-wise, we’re introduced to this ragged group of survivalists, and an interesting post-post-apocalyptic scenario . . . but that’s dropped for a kidnapping plot (doing so is quite strange, if I may say so), in which Chronos proceeds to be clever, and strong, and rescue people . . . unfortunately, I have to agree with Sonja’s assessment that she reads very much like a Mary Sue.

There’s also the issue of the main character (no, not that she spends the early chapters in a nightgown) and her time travelling – apparently the explosion that sent her travelling through space and time was gentle enough not to injure her (or her upgrades).

There are certain lines of dialogue that try to be witty, but just come off as dry, or awkward.

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