I wanted to enjoy this story, I really did. It had vampire-esque mutants, an apocalypse, and mass chaos. The author even mentions that the idea was spawned from watching one of my favorite movies, “I Am Legend.” It seemed almost impossible for me to dislike something that had all of those fun concepts and inspirations. Unfortunately, for me the prose falls short of all of the build-up.

This work has some serious trouble with basic grammar and proper word usage. Some of the problems I noticed included: incorrect and sometimes missing punctuation, incorrect tenses, run-on sentences, incorrect word usage, etc. As some explanation, the author mentions that she wrote this story for NaNoWriMo and is in the process of cleaning it up. Until that happens, however, the story will continue to be very difficult for me to read.

Another problem with this story is the tendency to tell readers what’s happening instead of showing them. A part of this might have to do with the author attempting to keep it close to a ‘diary’ format, even though it reads more like fiction than anything even resembling a diary (there are dates and times at the top of each entry, but otherwise it seems more like ordered chapters in a story than something I’d find in a blog or diary). This problem made it hard for me to form an emotional connection to the prose: I was unable to experience the plot’s truly important moments, and was often left wondering what on Earth had just happened.

Over-all, this story has an interesting premise and a bad execution. With any luck, however, the author will revamp it and bring the story back with all of the build-up and plenty of pay-off.

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