editor rating 1 vote: rating onrating offrating offrating offrating off

Desolate Diary by Veronica Purcell

It began with a virus. 

The diary of a woman infected with a life changing virus is a speculation of real facts: Avian Influenza testing, effects resulting from the continual consumption of genetically modified food and immunisation. Desolate Diary tracks the changes to the woman’s body, the way the virus has modified the world she lives in and how she chooses to deal with those changes, which results to her re-evolution. But most of all it’s about a woman finding out what it means to be human. It’s a dark and distrubing story but always there is a trace of hope, if somewhat twisted and obscured.


A series, no longer online

Tags: · · · · ·

Listed: Dec 9, 2008

Share:

  • Facebook
  • Delicious
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter

more . . .

Recommendations

No reader recommendations yet.

The author of this story recommends:

Member Shelves

No relevant member shelves.

Have Your Say!

Request an invite or log in to rate, recommend, review, or bookmark this story.

Note: You can monitor reviews for this listing with its review feed.

Vote for it on topwebfiction.com . . .


Editorial Reviews

the_author() rating onrating offrating offrating offrating off

Raw Writing

By Morgan O'Friel, editor

Dec 12, 2008: I wanted to enjoy this story, I really did. It had vampire-esque mutants, an apocalypse, and mass chaos. The author even mentions that the idea was spawned from watching one of my favorite movies, “I Am Legend.” It seemed almost impossible for me to dislike something that had all of those fun concepts and inspirations. Unfortunately, for me the prose falls short of all of the build-up.

This work has some serious trouble with basic grammar and proper word usage. Some of the problems I noticed included: incorrect and sometimes missing punctuation, incorrect tenses, run-on sentences, incorrect word usage, etc. As some explanation, the author mentions that she wrote this story for NaNoWriMo and is in the process of cleaning it up. Until that happens, however, the story will continue to be very difficult for me to read.

Another problem with this story is the tendency to tell readers what’s happening instead of showing them. A part of this might have to do with the author attempting to keep it close to a ‘diary’ format, even though it reads more like fiction than anything even resembling a diary (there are dates and times at the top of each entry, but otherwise it seems more like ordered chapters in a story than something I’d find in a blog or diary). This problem made it hard for me to form an emotional connection to the prose: I was unable to experience the plot’s truly important moments, and was often left wondering what on Earth had just happened.

Over-all, this story has an interesting premise and a bad execution. With any luck, however, the author will revamp it and bring the story back with all of the build-up and plenty of pay-off.

0 of 0 members found this review helpful.
Help us improve!  Request an invite or log in to rate this review.

Most Helpful Member Reviews

No member reviews yet.

Your review

Request an invite or log in to rate, recommend, review, or bookmark this story.