overall 3 votes: rating onrating onrating onrating halfrating off
editor rating: rating onrating onrating onrating offrating off

Eden by Jane Doe

Sometimes Hell comes to you. 

At first glance Eden seems like every other girl working hard and trying to make it on her own. She lives a simple quiet life. It’s not the best, and she’s not exactly where she thought she’d be by now, but it’s good enough. She is kind and thoughtful, and a very private person. It’s not out of any misplaced fear of being hurt, or hatred for the human race that she keeps to herself. It’s because she has a secret. A secret that most people wouldn’t believe, hell she’s not even sure if she believes it herself. In fact, they may even say she’s crazy and slap some label on her condition while shoveling pills down her throat. No, Eden learned a long time ago that it is best to keep such things to yourself, but that’s all about to change. Eden is about to discover the truth behind the things she sees when she closes her eyes. She is about to become part of something bigger than she had ever imagined and she will question everything she has ever known.

Note: Eden is unfinished, and will likely remain so.  It contains some graphic violence and harsh language.


An abandoned novel

Tags: · · ·

Listed: Jun 26, 2014

Also by this author:

Share:

  • Facebook
  • Delicious
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter

more . . .

Recommendations

People who recommend this story also recommend:

The author of this story recommends:

Member Shelves

Have Your Say!

Register or log in to rate, recommend, review, or bookmark this story.

Note: You can monitor reviews for this listing with its review feed.

Vote for it on topwebfiction.com . . .


Editorial Reviews

the_author() rating onrating onrating onrating offrating off

Editor’s First Impression

By Palladian, editor, author of Super

Dec 13, 2015: Eden is one of those down-the-rabbit hole stories, where we start with someone who seems pretty normal on the outside and then find out that maybe all is not as it originally seems. The author seems to have an interesting story in mind, sort of a towering good-vs.-evil narrative with someone who grew up an innocent caught in between, having to decide which side to end up on. Her writing is generally good mechanically, and the tale has promise.

The execution could use a little brushing up, however. There are good portions of the story where the author tells us things about the characters, especially the protagonist. I’d encourage her to make more use of dialogue and character action to show these things instead, sometimes letting the audience draw their own conclusions about what’s being shown through use of character actions.

Also, the characters themselves could use some work in defining them. The protagonist acts in uneven ways, sometimes seeming to be an innocent ingénue and a minute later turning around to be heavily sarcastic, or later, to be murderously angry. Some of the supporting characters seem interesting, but go largely undeveloped. I’d like to see more work in telegraphing the punch on the protagonist’s actions, or at least some better explanation/setup when her personality takes a hard turn into something different. For the supporting characters, please develop them a bit more and let us get more of a flavor for who they are.

All in all, this story could use some work, but seems promising. If you’re a fan of urban fantasy with a heavy accent on demonic/angelic interventions in modern life, I recommend you check this out and see how you like it.

2 of 2 members found this review helpful.
Help us improve!  Register or log in to rate this review.

Most Helpful Member Reviews

No member reviews yet.

Your review

Register or log in to rate, recommend, review, or bookmark this story.