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JHERED OF KIREA: THE RIDER IN BLACK

Editor’s First Impression

By Palladian, editor, author of Super

Oct 9, 2013: Jhered of Kirea is a by-the-numbers swords and sorcery fantasy. In fact, the plot manages to hit such a huge number of standard plot devices that it’s hard to name them all. Jhered is a man with a background that he’s striven to keep mysterious, but he’s a former noble who starts opposing an evil lord of the empire he came from and thereby gains followers (hello, Robin Hood!). There’s a prophecy that Jhered is destined to bring down said evil empire ( . . . too many stories to count). He also seems like he’s going to quest for some deeply desired magic stones that apparently take over people’s minds (LOTR, anyone?). Jhered’s fiancée (a princess, of course) is horribly killed to give the protagonist purpose ( . . . from so many stories it makes me ill to consider the number), and on and on. As you can probably tell at this point, I didn’t find much in the story to differentiate it from so many others, even after reading through more than half of the currently available 27 chapters.

The writer could improve the structure of the story by using spell check and getting an editor; typos, punctuation, capitalization, and sentence fragment errors are seen frequently, sometimes even in the story headings. Also, as a caution to potential readers, the author seems fixated on the idea of rape. He mentions it frequently in the course of the story, to the point where the main character has a rape scene tattooed on his head and the evil empire he fights against even worships a god of rape. Said evil empire is also not shown to be evil simply through ruthlessly killing a lot of people, stealing all their stuff, and taking over their land, no, apparently they have to rape all of the women they see, and we the readers are treated to lovely descriptions of their torn apart bodies afterwards. Frankly, it was repellant to me, and it may be so for others.

This might be something that people who are rampant sword and sorcery fans might like to read, however, they might just as well want to go to the original sources for some of these ideas and read better stories.

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