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Solid concept, but painful to read

By Alexander.Hollins, member

Sep 25, 2014: I have a special place in my heart for juvenile science fiction that feels like it belongs in one of those big books full of stories we all had in elementary school, with discussion questions at the end. And this story VERY much feels that way, the phrasing, grammar usage, themes, are largely aimed at the early teen crowd. But it also feels like it was written BY someone in that same age group, with constant REALLY bad cliches, horrible grammar choices, and the same 5 dollar word repeated throughout each update, like a vocabularly list of the damned. The main character is a gamer who is laughably bad at sports, but finds a situation where his gaming skills WILL SAVE THE WORLD! or at least his life. For a story set hundres of years in the future, I would hope for better in society . . . 

While already a completed novel thats for sale on amazon, its being posted as flash fiction in small chunks. Normally I applaud this but the flash fiction cliffhanger format is widely held too. Each update is about a paragraph of solving teh last problem, two paragraphs of setup, and a paragraph of new cliffhanger. it makes for a very disoriening read.

Personally, it has some potentional, but I’d really like to see it written for longer updates/chapters, and for the love of all that’s holy, GET AN EDITOR!

3 of 4 members found this review helpful.
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