Aug 30, 2008: I couldn’t help, when I started reading this, thinking that the author had seen one too many action/horror movies. The way it’s written mimics the way a movie would play out, hopping between two parallel plot lines to show what’s going on simultaneously. While the hopping works visually, switching back and forth between paragraphs creates for a confusing read.
I had to stop and start this story three times before getting to the end of the five chapters. Each time I started it, I hoped that it would make more sense but it didn’t. The actions of all of the characters involved, the premise, the setting, the action itself, are so over the top and sometimes downright ridiculous that I just couldn’t keep them straight. The constant shifting points of view made it that much harder to concentrate on what was going on.
The notion in the summary above that this is a "new mythos" is a bit of a misnomer. Older, village type myths from areas like Greece, Turkey and India of vampires centered around demons and evil spirits rising from Hell to occupy corpses, reanimating them and feeding on the living, usually animals. This being isn’t a vampire, really, in the traditional sense of fangs and neck but more of a demon zombie with psychic vampire tendencies. Not just blood but flesh makes it grow stronger and it feeds off of the souls and energies of others. It’s because of this that I fail to see the "new mythos" involved in the story. I see more of an amalgam of different creatures mishmashed together to play in body parts than anything that’s really new.
However, the author admits that he knows very little about writing. I give him kudos for throwing his first stab of the literary creative onto the internet for all to see. That’s a very brave thing to do.
That’s not to miss mentioning, though, that the story’s erratic, disjointed and downright confusing at times. The writing’s also a bit stilted and mechanical. I often found the characters to be in two places at once, there are large, gaping, nonsensical jumps from place to place (not even from scene to scene) and the plot, premise and characters are not anywhere near as fleshed out as they can be, leaving me not really caring about any of them.
There are some glaring grammatical mistakes along with what can only be said as lazy writing. Jason turns into Jordan sometime in Chapter 3, I believe, before changing back, for instance. Characters seem to pop out of nowhere and are mentioned by name without any previous introduction, which had me going ‘who is that?’ a few times. The prologue is pointless and is actually rightly chapter 2 since it very obviously fills in the gap in plot between the ending of 1 and beginning of the current 2. I initially thought it was a decent prologue until I came upon that realization and then I just kept wondering, ‘why not make it a chapter?’ since it obviously is.
One very tiny thing that really bothered me was ‘upper New York.’ It’s upstate, not upper. It’s an asinine thing but since it was so glaringly wrong for me, it really stuck and it made me question the author’s ability to research. Can I trust all of the other information the author’s giving me about places I don’t know since that one piece of tiny information I did know was wrong?
With all of that being said, it’s not a bad story if you like the whole guns blaring, body eating action of a pseudo-Bruce Willis movie. I give the author credit for doing something that really is different with vampires instead of going the schmoopy love-sick route. That’s always a plus. And since ancient Egypt occupies a place in my heart, the story got points for that as well. The author has a good idea here and I’d like to see it in all the glory is has the potential to be in but I think it was very rushed. If more time was taken with the story, I think it’d read more like the written work it should than describing a movie on paper, like it does now. Overall though, due to the very confusing tendencies of the writing, I had way too many ‘what is going on?’ moments to consider to keep on reading.
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