Aug 20, 2008: (Review written after reading chapters 1-3.1).
The "stalker" element in chapter one was kind of off-putting, particularly as the sensible thing to do when someone is bothering you is threaten them with a restraining order and/or go to the cops. It also had an unpleasant "Twilight" connotation to it.
By the end of a rather slow chapter one, it really rockets off – if it was a movie, this is the point where you would sit up and realise you were getting your money’s worth.
However, it’s then that another problem crops up – external links. Those of you who have read Scary Mary would remember these – they were lightly peppered through, as some of the references could have been considered to outside of the target audience’s general frame of reference.
Here, they are included without abandon. The author doesn’t trust that the reader (of a "modern supernatural" webserial no less) has any prior knowledge at all. It’s quite patronising, and really takes you out of the story. These could be left as footnotes – this would allow the reader to pick and choose what they needed (or wanted) to research.
The characters are quite serviceable – Aaron’s backstory is interesting – although it seems he has served his part, making him a "younger", sexier version of the typical mentor character. The sister is – even though we have only seen her actions – a lunatic, we have no idea what her goal is, but she’s pulling out all the stops to achieve it.
Two minor points: there are a few instances of tense problems, and the spelling of magic as "magick". (The second, however, is a personal dislike).