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THE COMATOSE GIRL

Interesting Story in the Making

By Team Contract, member

Nov 5, 2016: This web serial is fairly new so if you’re looking for a new one to check out, this won’t take a lot of time investment. The core premise is quite fascinating, that of a research facility housing a group of super powerful psychic test subjects. I was reminded of the set up for Stranger Things as I reflect on it now. The story itself starts which the relationship building between one of the research facility’s scientists and the young girl he oversees, the most powerful psychic in the facility.

We later learn that what the outside world perceives as a basket case rocking herself all day, is actually her travelling psychically to body snatch whoever she wants. The was the portion of the story I enjoyed the most as there was the potential for a Lolita story set up, that was actually really sweet.

The plot however branches out from there and new characters are throw in quickly to a massive conflict surrounding the psychic girl(who is powerful enough to kill anyone she want’s instantly) rebelling against the military people who want to turn her into a weapon.

There is a lot of good ideas going on here and interesting characters. The writing is in third person omniscient and there are quite a few rough patches and some areas with a lot of exposition.

I believe the premise is solid and has a lot of potential. As is, it reads like a bit of a rough draft in some parts, but I think with some revisions and refinement those could be smoothed out.

I would say it’s worth a look for sure.

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