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Last of the Wielders

By Baron56, author of The Undying Prince

Jun 30, 2017: Disclaimer: This is part of a review exchange.

If you’re reading this review, give the story a chance; the author did a lot right. He introduces us to an original fantasy world, rich with its own lore and history, but never makes us suffering through long paragraphs of exposition. Each new element is revealed to us one piece at a time and never feels overwhelming. It starts off a little slow, but by the end of Chapter 4 I was hooked and read all the remaining chapters in one sitting.

The main character, Brachillio, is battle tested bad ass, who is forced to withstand the corrupting influence of a dead God that whispers in his head every time he uses his powers. Powers he possesses only through drinking the special potions he brews. If this sounds like something you would be interesting in, go read it now, you won’t be disappointed.

The rest of the review is for the benefit of the writer.

I don’t think your first chapter is epic enough for the kind of story you’re trying to tell. In my opinion, you should add a prologue which shows Brachillio final fight with the Autarch. Not the whole thing, just the final moments, which would introduce us to the voice of the dead God. That way we get a little hint of the greatness that’s to come in the rest of the story. It’s best to hook the audience as quickly as possible, and the meeting in the bar is a little too mundane to start us off an epic fantasy. Also, I think you need to rework your synopsis; it’s too generic. Add in a part about the voice of the dead God. That’s your hook!

Someone else mentioned this, but Brachillio’s constant self-doubt and negativity gets pretty overwhelming after a while. Your story would benefit from a few lighter moments to help contrast all the darkness. I’m not telling you change the tone, but maybe you could focus on a positive facet of his personality.

Anyway, other than that keep up the great work and thanks for sharing.

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