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This is The Web Serial Version of "The Room"

By Billy Higgins Peery, author of A Bad Idea

Jul 22, 2015: I’m not going to lie to you: this serial isn’t very good. I do not recommend reading it.

While the author tries to give good attention to detail, he doesn’t execute it very well. The details that he chooses to describe are neither interesting nor evocative enough to pull a reader into the scene. And, combined with the repetition, it really slows the pace of the story.

To give an example: "His breathing continued, and he really noticed his breaths, since breathing and thinking were all he could do. His rhythmic breaths seemed as loud as howitzers. Then, the breaths stopped."

On the bright side, there is a commendable attention to character relationships. Though the characters themselves aren’t particularly interesting, the relationships between them are made clear. Mark and John are brothers who don’t get along. Their sister, Eva, tries getting them to talk to each other again.

Clean, simple, nice. Unfortunately, this aspect of the story is weakened by the dialogue, which could use some work. To give another example, "Sherlock Holmes never really existed. Or maybe he did. Who knows?"

Spoiler Alert: he didn’t.

The author has the general idea of how to write—there aren’t many typos or grammatical inconsistencies, he really understands how a book is supposed to read—but the skill, which comes from experience, isn’t there yet.

I don’t mean to beat up on him too much. I do kind of like the vibe of the serial, this sort of Kolchak the Night Stalker-ish family affair. But I just think the author needs more experience before they can fully pull their vision off.

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