Right at the beginning, the authors are creating a new captivating world where we are swallowed and moved to a industrial steam punk story mixed with mystery and a touch of magic. We can take part in the struggle between magic and science in a Victorian time line where the characters evolve through the action pack scenes. Although, don’t forget to pay attention to the details for they are the true master piece of this story. They will get you entangled in the life of the characters and make your brain work along with your imagination being pushed to a different level. Chapter one is not even ended that I am already waiting for more.
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The story story is a combination zombie story and action. It has some intriguing aspects that attract one’s attention. But I think there are things missed too. For example, I think the author has a tendency of having problems solved way too easily. For example, there’s the eponymous book, the Codex Nekromantia, which is located in a complex and mystery-filled library. But, instead of the two necromancers struggling through a difficult mini-quest to find it (or even better, having them compete to see who can get it first), the main character just happens to have already fetched it with no apparent difficulty. Or, another example, whey they seek to perform an intricate spell with many hard to find ingredients, instead of this leading to a difficult, harrowing treasure hunt, we get one of the characters announcing he already has all the stuff.
I’d also recommend trimming down on the dialogue and increasing the description, so the reader can more clearly visualize the locations and the action. Also, i don’t know if the tone works. The comedy, I think tends to overwhelm the horror, such that it’s not really scary.
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There is a good bit of humor here and the story is written in an informal style, but it doesn’t grab my interest.
Especially with something like web fiction a writer needs a good hook early that grabs the audience early. It could be a mystery, a compelling character or some sort of mission or goal. This story lacks such a hook. With a story like this, a sort of coming-of-age, comedy/drama, a strong goal/ambition/dream would work well. For example, if this were a raunchy teen comedy, the goal of the protagonist in the prologue would probably be to lose his virginity at the end of prom night, or something like that (though something different might be appropriate for this story). Such a goal/ambition/dream might also make the narrator more likable. The narrator comes off as drifting and aimless, which makes the story episodic, and gives the reader less interest in continuing.
The writer might also try to introduce and develop a consistent cast of subsidiary characters that the reader can really get to know. From what I read here, minor characters seem to pop up and disappear all the time, and we don’t get to know them
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