There is a good bit of humor here and the story is written in an informal style, but it doesn’t grab my interest.
Especially with something like web fiction a writer needs a good hook early that grabs the audience early. It could be a mystery, a compelling character or some sort of mission or goal. This story lacks such a hook. With a story like this, a sort of coming-of-age, comedy/drama, a strong goal/ambition/dream would work well. For example, if this were a raunchy teen comedy, the goal of the protagonist in the prologue would probably be to lose his virginity at the end of prom night, or something like that (though something different might be appropriate for this story). Such a goal/ambition/dream might also make the narrator more likable. The narrator comes off as drifting and aimless, which makes the story episodic, and gives the reader less interest in continuing.
The writer might also try to introduce and develop a consistent cast of subsidiary characters that the reader can really get to know. From what I read here, minor characters seem to pop up and disappear all the time, and we don’t get to know them
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This author draws you in with characters you care about and an engrossing story-line. The writing is clear and flowing and the attention to detail brings the story to life. It is not often that you find an author who can create a world as vividly real as this.
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I had pretty much given up my search for a good online book to read when I stumbled upon ‘Captive Prince’. I say stumbled, because I was browsing down a web page when I discovered the story. It was very interesting at first and I read the first couple of chapters with enthusiasm. As the story progressed, I found myself being drawn in by the story (I have always been fascinated by the realms of ancient royalty – though some may say that is not the time the story is set in – and so this story was very entertaining for me) and so I quickly read through the dozens of chapter and waited for more (somewhat impatiently). The story – a fantasy tale i call it – tells of a young prince who becomes the sex slave of a rival prince because of his jealous brother. While the enslaved prince serves the other (not in the way you would imagine, though) they form a relationship you would not expect of two characters like them, and help each other in ways you would never guess. The writing style of the story fits perfectly with the era of the story and the character protrayal in such a perfect way. There is some mild violence and sexual content, but it all ties in with the story. Its updated monthly or so, but its worth the wait. I highly recommend this story.
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