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Entirely Presenting You » Member Reviews, page 2

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ENTIRELY PRESENTING YOU

Teen girl trying to comes to terms with monstrosity, not awful not great.

By Is_Generally_Hostile, author of The Comatose Girl

Nov 30, 2016: This is a review swap.

The series is at eight parts so far, ongoing, and says it updates weekly. Each post felt a little bit longer than average to me – I just double checked the first post, it comes in at 4100 words. So, decent chunks of text here, larger than I’d personally like at once, but not a huge issue.

The story centers around an asian teenage girl going to high school and her struggle adjusting to her new found abilities after she’s bitten by what appears to be a vampire. Like I said, eight posts so far so it’s hard to really nail down the plot, but that seems to be the gist of it.

I wouldn’t consider this a spoiler, the girl being attacked happens pretty early on and the main character immediately jumps to the word vampire – the story doesn’t seem to be about figuring out what happened, but more about how to deal with what happened.

From the art on the first page, I really thought I was going to hate this. It did feel like it went pretty slow in the first chapter or so, but once the girl gets attacked and she starts having to come to terms with her new abilities and make sense of them the author hits a stronger stride and it became more fun to read, at least for me personally.

I wouldn’t personally recommend this, but only eight posts in and maybe five of them at what seems to be full stride, it’s hard to make a quality judgement on the author as a whole. I’d be curios to see more of this story and what the author works on next.

4 of 5 members found this review helpful.
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ENTIRELY PRESENTING YOU

A Story Slowly Discovering Itself

By Scott Scherr, author of Don't Feed The Dark

Aug 10, 2017: Note: This review is based on the first fifteen chapters (first two story arcs).

Entirely Presenting You (love that title) begins with a young girl, Alexis Barnett, celebrating her sixteenth birthday at an old plantation home turned secluded teen party spot. Later that evening, Alexis is out walking when she is viciously attacked by . . . something . . . which results in a life altering experience, setting up the bizarre story that follows.

I was easily reeled in from the first chapter, enjoying the whole walking-alone-at-night vibe, which the writer does an excellent job of creating, by describing Alexis’ eerie surroundings and amplified through her own anxious thoughts—you realize very quickly that something dreadful is about to happen. I did find it a little odd reading the "first person" account of the attack as Alexis describes, in brutal detail, what’s happening to her as it happens.

From the second chapter forward, what started as a horror story slowly drifts away from that first terrifying night, shifting into a slice-of-life, action-based story as victim becomes heroine by the second arc. Personally, I preferred the horror story I was introduced to in the first chapter and after reading the first two arcs, it never really regains that horror vibe again.

As mentioned in the title, for me, this story reads like it’s slowly trying to discover itself, starting out of the gate very strong, but quickly losing momentum and direction from the second chapter onward as a lot of time is wasted describing mundane trivial school affairs through the excessive thoughts of the main character, halting the pace of this tale with a plot that feels very random and strange at times. For example, after being attacked and waking up with no recollection of what happened, Alexis has an almost nonchalant attitude at first, even though her friends tell her it made the news. Rather than inquiring immediately, she seems more interested in catching up with her social life, studies, volleyball practice and trying not to piss off her mother. Later on, as she makes more horrific discoveries about herself, that same "Oh well" attitude takes over, as Alexis’ thoughts quickly drift away to other matters that seem less important considering what she’s going through. For me, this unusual attitude steals from the credibility of the character.

As I got into the second arc, the story’s momentum picks up rather quickly, a definite plus, but where the first arc spends too much time obsessing over the mundane, the next arc is moving so fast that the subtle moments expressed through the main character’s reflections in regards to what’s happened to her, are now overpowered by excessive action scenes and a plot shift that essentially abandons, "What the hell am I?" for "How can I protect the people I care about?" abruptly pushing the story in another direction, and perhaps, a bit too soon.

I’ve only read the first two arcs and the writer is currently writing the sixth. I’m hoping this tale has found its true path, a bit more balance in regard to plot and pacing, and stronger character development. Entirely Presenting You seems like it will continue to grow and get better with each new arc.

I believe it’s worth a read (with some patience to get through the first few chapters).

3 of 4 members found this review helpful.
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